We all have one. That someone that makes us feel like we can't move or speak without them. They hold the key to the deepest and most vulnerable part of our hearts.
The one that you wish to have an incredibly happy life, even though you aren't part of it. The one you watch from afar and feel a lurching in your stomach if they're with another, someone they find as special as you find them.
You become obsessed with their social interactions, hoping for their happiness but secretly wishing for everything to fall apart so that you can be there for them.
But it's not just their fault you aren't a part of their lives. You are in a state of mental unrest, you made yourself difficult to get along with, you forced yourself upon them and drove them away. Your thirst and hunger for their love was the one thing that drove them to despair.
So you sit back, continuing to watch them, knowing that you'll feel this way for the next fifty years, but not able to be with your one true love. They have built their walls, they are protected from the likes of you, the ones that can wait a lifetime for the opportunity to be the one that can release them from themselves, release them from the walls surrounding them. To take them into your arms, kiss them and say, "I love you".
I have one, someone so special to me that hearing from him brings a tear to my eye, and a leap of my heart. I can't have him though. I lost him. But I will always love him. Even if my life takes a path that is different to his as it has begun to do, my heart will follow him on his path, whilst my body follows another path. A path that is filled with tears, heartache and despair. Maybe one day, my forsaken path will be rejoined to his and we can be what I always hoped we'd be. We'll see...
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Catharsis
Hello Everyone. This is my first blog and I am honoured to be a part of The Dead Good Blog.
When I thought about catharsis I thought about what it meant to me. I have had a very...interesting life, filled with interesting events. Many people who know me may see me as a strong and perhaps even a powerful woman. I wasn't always this way.
I was a very young mum, thrust into adulthood at a time when I wasn't entirely ready for it. I had plans, big plans, and as plans tend to do, they failed to come to fruition once I had made a bad decision.
Bad decisions are what make us who we are, without mistakes we fail to grow internally. I have made many and for those mistakes I am who I am.
There comes a time however, when you make a good decision and your life changes. My mum is one of those people that wishes she could go back in time and change things, to make all the right choices. I am not. As I have said, without the bad decisions we cannot grow.
My most important cathartic moment came when I woke one day to realise that I was living in a situation that enveloped me, that suffocated me and prevented me from being someone I wanted to be. Living as a mouse trapped within a world of abuse and anger. When I woke up, I knew what I had to do, I had to make a good decision, I decided to leave that world behind and make something of myself. It is with this new sense of purpose that I became me.
I always think that life is what you make it, that catharsis can come to anyone who wants the release. There are no magic keys to open the door for you, there is no knight in shining armour to save you from the tower of despair you have become trapped in, the freedom lies within each and everyone of us. The emotions that well within us, that surround our very being and suffocate us are what make us who we are. Embrace them, use them, harness their power, for when you overcome them you become something magnificent, someone who has the key, the armour, without them we are just blank sheets of paper waiting to be filled with beautiful words and feelings, life's poetry.
Poetry comes from all the feelings within us, the poetic form holds a magical power that can be cathartic, that can release the angst and strain of everyday life. Taking that pen and that blank paper, we can release the emotions within to produce something that someone unable to help themselves can relate to, an amulet to protect us and relieve our hearts and souls from the upset.
Imagine a life without poetry...I know I cannot, for it has brought me to you, you are my catharsis, you are the wings that carry me through life and envelope me when I need support. You are the magic and for that I thank you.
By Anne-Marie Sagar
When I thought about catharsis I thought about what it meant to me. I have had a very...interesting life, filled with interesting events. Many people who know me may see me as a strong and perhaps even a powerful woman. I wasn't always this way.
I was a very young mum, thrust into adulthood at a time when I wasn't entirely ready for it. I had plans, big plans, and as plans tend to do, they failed to come to fruition once I had made a bad decision.
Bad decisions are what make us who we are, without mistakes we fail to grow internally. I have made many and for those mistakes I am who I am.
There comes a time however, when you make a good decision and your life changes. My mum is one of those people that wishes she could go back in time and change things, to make all the right choices. I am not. As I have said, without the bad decisions we cannot grow.
My most important cathartic moment came when I woke one day to realise that I was living in a situation that enveloped me, that suffocated me and prevented me from being someone I wanted to be. Living as a mouse trapped within a world of abuse and anger. When I woke up, I knew what I had to do, I had to make a good decision, I decided to leave that world behind and make something of myself. It is with this new sense of purpose that I became me.
I always think that life is what you make it, that catharsis can come to anyone who wants the release. There are no magic keys to open the door for you, there is no knight in shining armour to save you from the tower of despair you have become trapped in, the freedom lies within each and everyone of us. The emotions that well within us, that surround our very being and suffocate us are what make us who we are. Embrace them, use them, harness their power, for when you overcome them you become something magnificent, someone who has the key, the armour, without them we are just blank sheets of paper waiting to be filled with beautiful words and feelings, life's poetry.
Poetry comes from all the feelings within us, the poetic form holds a magical power that can be cathartic, that can release the angst and strain of everyday life. Taking that pen and that blank paper, we can release the emotions within to produce something that someone unable to help themselves can relate to, an amulet to protect us and relieve our hearts and souls from the upset.
Imagine a life without poetry...I know I cannot, for it has brought me to you, you are my catharsis, you are the wings that carry me through life and envelope me when I need support. You are the magic and for that I thank you.
By Anne-Marie Sagar
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